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The Relationship Elevator
“Hello” I said to my friends who entered the elevator in our convention hotel, reaching for the buttons, “which floor you going to?”. Of the fourteen floors we were staying on six different floors.
This caused me to think of relationships and how we begin the same (or near the same), they do not all last the same. We meet either on line, in a coffee shop, through a mutual friend, church, our career, or some random way? Because I am so shy and withdrawn (LOL), I tend to hope everyone I meet is going the entire distance with me. I want (most of) them to be my friend for the rest of our lives.
Yet, the harsh truth is, very few ever go the distance. They have their own floors to go to. They have their own lives to live, and as much as I would like their life to always include me, it does not.
This struggle of mine has caused me to search for a balance, a way to stay okay with people getting off on their own floor of purpose, of their own destination, their “why” for staying in this hotel of where we met.
I’ve made great strides to enjoy the elevator trip while it last. In truth I have not mastered the part when the ride is over. I struggle with “this is my floor, time for me to leave” of relationships. Here are the four things I am doing to help me be better at when the elevator doors open and someone leaves for their destination.
Trust the the length of time is what its meant to be. In the hotel everyone states how long they will be on the elevator, yet, in relationships, we do not normally state how long we will travel together in life’s journey. While together, heading in the same direction, I am learning to stay true to me and serve to my best, while restricting my need for this to last forever.
While we are on the same journey together, I look for the ways that I can be a benefit for them, this has opened up many wonderful gifts back to me. Staying true to me and bringing my best Serve proves to be the best and insulates me from bing needy. Needy is greedy, its also sort of gross.
Somehow just enjoying the moments I have with each person makes the time rich and rewarding for both of us. This also minimizes the grief when we are no longer in the elevator together. Both of us can celebrate the time we spent together.
Remembering to enjoy the time we have while together is the second thing I am learning to do once we are no longer traveling together. This also, allows our sojourning to last (in a memorable way) beyond our face to face elevator time. Rather than focus on that we no longer see, talk, or serve along side arch other, I remember and talk about how grateful I am (not was) for the time we had together.
Invest in some coloring of our time together. Each of us color our stories one way or another. It is easy to color our past with the gloomier shades, yet the same energy can be used to color with the warmer and brighter shades. Thus, I choose to color it brighter than maybe someone else would recall. It serves as an investment rather than a constants emotional expense.
The emotional expense of coloring relationships with the heavy, dark, or gloomy colors is incredibly debilitating. It makes me want tp crawl in a hole and pull the sides in over me, or start a revolution and eliminate people from my people list. When I get myself caught in this cycle, I am less friendly, I gripe more, less tolerable, and just plain hard to get along with. I also notice that my body hurts more, I am physically run down more. Yet, when I purposefully pick the brighter and warmer colors to place the emphasis on our time together to exact opposite is true.
Presence while we are together, heading to our perspective floors helps me now and later. The powerful thing about presence is it demands focus on the moment and the person or people I am with and not myself. When I practice this one aspect of the elevator trip, it seems to make the gift of the trip last longer.
Please do not misunderstand me, there have been for to many times I was all into myself and what I could get out of the trip, that I totally missed to gift of the moments I could have had with those on the elevator. Here a few things I do to give us the gift of presence.
I stay off and out of my phone while we are in the elevator together. Also, learning to ask thought provoking questions about them and noticing what they enjoy talking about. Giving them the best spot on the elevator. Then finally always treat others with great levels of dignity, respect, and honor while in the space of presence with them.
Learning to enjoy the elevator trip through Trusting the length of time is what its meant to be, Remembering to recall to wonders of our time, rather than to pain of no longer traveling together, Investing in choosing the best colors to create the picture of our time together, and practicing Presence while we are in the elevator of life together makes my journey to my floor much better.
Though some people who get in the elevator do have a room on your same floor, very few will ever be headed to your room. This is also true in life’s journey, most who get on the relationship elevator with you will be going to the exact same place you are. We must learn to accept this fact and enjoy to time we have together.
When you are like me, a relationship junkie, it is difficult when the door opens and someone walks off the elevator. Yet we can find relief from the heartache of the elevator ride ending, through enjoying the length of the trip through these four simple steps. Trust its length to be correct, Remember the wonder while it lasted, Invest through how you color the time together, and being Present while it lasted.
Matt Upton
916.708.8103
Declare a No PUKE Zone
Take a bold stand and declare your work space a No PUKE ZONE! The pausing and pointing to whats negative, being Uncharitable towards people and policies that we do not like or agree with, Keeping the focus on whats wrong, and Engaging in tearing others down has not accomplished anything great.
So, let’s declare this a no PUKE ZONE and begin to rehydrate the possibilities of growing change.
Download this poster and post it in three different places and ask everyone for their buy in.
Matt, Your Fellow Leapologist
Call or Text me at 916.708.8103
Mission Action Planing workshop
If you are like most of us, you struggle with staying on task with your own Mission Action Plan. I will be presenting two 3 hour workshops on the University of the Pacific in Stockton, California. These two workshops are identical and offered on two days for your convenience to meet your schedule.
We will explore the 15 statements that detour you from staying on your M.A.P. along with the 7 mindsets that keep you on target and serve as G.P.S. device for you.
Plan now to be with us on March 9th or 10th, 2019. Your tuition has been taken care of by some generous fellow Leapologist.
I have attached a flyer for you to download and use to invite your family and friends. Text me at 916.708.8103 or email me at Leap@MattUpton.net to reserve your space to get on your own personal Mission Action Plan and discover fulfillment.
PS. There are dates coming available in Southern California, Norther California, and West Sacramento. As soon as they lock in I will let you know.
Leap from this Train of Worry
What will I do? How will I solve this? Who will be upset?
These thoughts flood our soul while on the Worry Train. Yet, how do we disembark from this uncomfortable ride?
Here are three activities that will help you Leap from the Train of Worry and get on with living your life of Leapology.
- Look around and point to someone or something you are grateful for and say it out loud.
- Locate at least one thing you can do to create your personal Leap Zone from the train.
- Launch into knowing you are Protected, Provided for, and Propelled forward by a loving and caring God.
Matt, A Fellow Leapologist
916.708.8103
Leap@MattUpton.net
Give Them a Due North
The frustration caused by staff doing their own thing, showing up to work when they want, leaving when they want, doing what they want may be because they have no idea what the due North of your team or department.
Sure, they signed a piece of paper saying they understood, yet have they bought in? Apparently not!
Three actions that may help you get everyone back on the “Due North” of the department or team.
- Make certain that the bulk of what you say and do is about “Due North”. Many times as the principle influencer you may be distracting everyone because you allow them to witness you living another departments or organizations “Due North”.
- Have weeking “Recalibration” two-minute stand up meetings. Get a two minute sand timer and refine your meeting to be just two-minutes. Here is a tool you can use to help you stay in a two minute frame … Two Minutes to Transformation
- Have your team word the “Due North” in their own words. Applaud their progress towards the mark. Never wait to praise perfection, it does not exist.
When I can do anything for you, just ask.
Matt
Leap@MattUpton.net
916.708.8103
The Rest you Seek
The rest you seek is discovered in the midst of your leap. Your current “Why” is in a bit of flux, its changing, this is evident in that you are contemplating a Leap.
Our life is made up of three living zones at the same time: Our Family Life Zone, Our Volunteer Zone, and Our Career or Vocation Zone. When any of these zones are in the midst of the change of a Leap, it has ripple effects on our entire life. As we Leap from where we’ve been to where we need to be, it’s like taking a Leap from one plateau to another. Though this Leap can be overrun with anxiety and fear, you can also have a great sense of rest and peace in the midst of your Leap. Let me give you four ways to enjoy the leaving of this plateau and leaping to your next.
Remember and reminisce on your gains of where you were. Let your mind and heart celebrate, rather than crying over the leap of change.
Enjoy your new “Now (New Options of Wonder)” and employee your ability to be “in-Couraged” through your previous successes.
Smile as you face the pressure, predicaments, and perils of this new space through knowing you are where you must be, and these are your new educators not your eliminators.
Trust the process and tabulate the wins more than the losses. It is your responsibility to take charge of your mind and thoughts, you get to decide what hangs in the gallery of your thought life. Post the wins in the galley of your thought life. Now take the time to sit and gaze at them often.
Leap On my Friend
Your Fellow Leapologist
Matt
Leap@MattUpton.net
916.708.8103
D5 Creation